Entitled Happiness

No one sets out in life to pursue misery or be disgraced. Life's goal is a simple pursuit towards happiness. The identified "bumps" in the road, commonly known as temporary hardships, can feel like an eternity and result in a directional change in one's life's pursuit.


When evaluating my own path, a lot of guidance and direction was based on emotions. I am a woman, I cannot deny the hormones and all of the emotions behind every decision that I have made or endless thoughts fueled by emotions that I am consumed by.  The ending result and plan has always been the pursuit of happiness.


I want to feel peace. I want to run and dance in a realm of bliss. I do not want to fail. I do not want to stall. I do not want to feel the emptiness of regret or despair.


In my head, the same head fueled by emotions, I cannot pause the migraine of decisions that I should be making or should have made. I cannot pause the regret or despair. I can freeze-frame sequences of a memory but am only able to change the destiny of the fast forward. With that thought, I would have to have the perception that I have control.


Right now, I am in halted in a deep stare with the sky. I have to make changes to my life and leave the comfort of scheduled prediction.  I do not want to be of any part of that.


With my children, there is a sort of freedom in their eyes that I can escape to.  I can never get enough. I worship the time that I have with them and feel miserable to see any hurt in their eyes.  My children deserve nothing but happiness. The do not need to know what hurt feels like or need to experience what figuring out the wrong is.